Unfaithful
by Abschiedsbrief
Summary: It's never about anyone but Sirius. Because he only loves himself. RemusSirius. Angst. Based on Rihanna's Unfaithful.


_Story of my life  
Searching for the right  
But it keeps avoiding me  
Sorrow in my soul  
Cause it seems that wrong  
Really loves my company_

James often confronts him, asking just what does he think he's doing. But Sirius always shrugs and keeps pulling on his socks, ignoring any necessity to give explanations. It's ironic, in Sirius' mind, that James is the one asking. It's like James is the only one who cares. He knows Peter frowns at him from the corner of their dorm even if he isn't looking at him. He sees James' eyes darting to gaze at the small bathroom door, where running water sound and Remus' deep voice is humming muggle songs. Then, James' eyes avert to meet his own and there is such deep sadness in his best friend's eyes that keeps Sirius wondering. James always looks at him with concern and profound sadness that makes most of the younger girls whimper. Sirius pulls on his shoes, pulls the laces tighter, without tying them, and stands up. He looks at James pleadingly and James nods curtly and looks away.

"I know. You're in detention. But I'm only telling if he asks."

Sirius knows Remus would never ask.

_He's more than a man  
And this is more than love  
The reason that the sky is blue  
The clouds are rolling in  
Because I'm gone again  
And to him I just can't be true_

When Sirius comes back at little past midnight the dormitory is dark and quite. Almost quite. Sirius can hear quiet, muffled sobs and his heart is breaking just a little because he knows the source of those noises. He clears his throat meaningfully, announcing his arrival and the sound stops, which only makes Sirius feel worse. He sits down on his bed and slowly takes off his shoes, his socks, his shirt. He sniffs the shirt and the faint hint of perfume he can smell on it is making him want to vomit. As he makes his way to the bathroom, he thinks he can hear the muffles sobs again but he never stops to find out.

He emerges, smelling like himself again and starts towards his bed. He pulls a pair of clean pajama pants from his trunk and walks past his bed, to the one closest to the window. The curtains are shut tight around the bed and there is still an occasional sob sounding, but it stops altogether when Sirius opens the curtain and slides inside. The boy already occupying the bed pretends to be asleep, but with some help from the moonlight Sirius can see that his lashes are wet.

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying_

Sirius rests his head on the pillow and Remus turns to lay on his side, facing him with his eyes closed shut. He's fragile and translucent in the darkness and Sirius bites his lip with self loathing. He pulls the thinner boy against him and Remus is clinging to his bare chest. His breathe falls heavily around Sirius and his chest is heaving. Sirius knows he's holding himself from breaking. His arms are wrapped tightly around Remus, holding him firmly in place and he's closing his eyes, but he knows Remus is awake, and there's no way he can fall asleep. When Remus thinks he's sleeping, he finally lets go and silent sobs shake his fragile frame. Sirius is shaking with him, sleep light-years away.

When morning comes, Remus' eyes are heavy and swollen, but no one says a thing. James is poking the young werewolf during charms to wake him, and shoots Sirius a look of disgust. Sirius ignores it. At lunch his hand is trailing up and down Remus' thigh, but his eyes keep finding the same Ravenclaw prefect, who shoots him seductive smiles. He notices Remus is focusing on his plate with every fiber of his concentration.

_I don't want to do this anymore  
I don't want to be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't want to hurt him anymore  
I don't want to take away his life  
I don't want to be...  
A murderer_

"And I always thought you were with that Lupin bloke."

Sirius pulls his pants back on and fastens his belt, moving on to find his shirt. The Ravenclaw prefect from lunch in sitting on a dusty table in the empty classroom they found and studies Sirius with curious eyes, waiting for his answer. Sirius doesn't provide explanations. He never does. The Ravenclaw smirks and chuckles softly, starting to button up his shirt. "Do you always get what you want?"

At that, Sirius turns to him with a wide smirk. He has the famous 'Sirius Black' grin on, the one he saves for special occasions, and he nods in a graceful way. "Every single time."

"So it's right, what they say. Once a Black, always a Black."

Sirius is freezing in his place, and his smirk turns into a glare. His teeth clench tightly and his eyes narrow, and from the look on the Ravenclaw's face he understands the change is quite sudden.

"I'm not like them. It's nothing more than a last name. Don't you ever associate me with them. Never. Do you understand me?" He realizes he's only a step away from the Ravenclaw now, and his hands are clenched into fists. The Ravenclaw has a terrified look on his face.

"You're a raving lunatic, Black."

_I feel it in the air  
As I'm doing my hair  
Preparing for another date  
A kiss upon my cheek  
As he reluctantly  
Asks if I'm going to be out late_

Sirius returns to the dormitory and James is the only one there. Remus is at a prefects meeting and Peter is at the library, he explains, and Sirius falls onto Remus' bed without ever acknowledging James or the information he was given.

"That's it, Prongs. That was the last time."

"Until next week, Sirius."

Sirius sits up and looks at him with a hurt expression in his eyes, but James' glare is serious and somber. Sirius knows he means it, and he also knows it's true. He falls back onto the bed, sighing and says nothing. He closes his eyes. He can hear James walking across the floor and the door opening silently in the background.

"You're a bloody bastard."

Sirius knows he's right.

"Who's a bastard?"

Sirius opened one eye and sees Remus making his entrance. James says nothing, just shoots Remus a meaningful glance and walks away. Remus averts his eyes. He walks over and sits on his bed, next to Sirius. He doesn't look at Sirius, and his expression is getting clouded by his thoughts. He says nothing. Nothing as he's taking off his robes. Nothing, as he kicks off his shoes and climbs to lie on top of the covers, next to Sirius. Nothing, as Sirius runs a hand along his arm. Nothing, as Sirius is leaning him to kiss him. As their lips touch, Remus turns his head away slowly. Sirius' lips land on Remus' neck and he stays there. He can feel Remus shivering violently. Sirius' hands are already sent to the buckle of Remus' belt. Remus says nothing.

"I've got to go soon." Sirius says, trying to milk some kind of a verbal response out of the boy who's lying next to him. His lips are pressed to Remus' neck.

"I've got another detention."

A distant, silent "Oh." Is all he receives.

_I say I won't be long  
Just hanging with the girls  
A lie I didn't have to tell  
Because we both know  
Where I'm about to go  
And we know it very well_

"How dare he?" Sirius is pacing back and forth, bare feet sinking into the soft carpet of their dormitory floor. James and Peter are sitting on one of the beds, looking at him with tired, experimented eyes. They don't bother trying to calm him down anymore. He's fuming. "With Snivellus, of all people! He's friendly with Snivellus! He's having a bloody study session. With Snivellus!"

Peter opens him mouth, closes it and opens it again. "He's allowed to befriend whoever he wants." He pipes, and then shuts up at the deadly glare Sirius is shooting him.

"He's not allowed to befriend Severus Snape." Sirius barks at him. "How dare he do this to me?"

James jumps to his feet, rage slowly creeping into his expression, and grabs Sirius' arm. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe the world doesn't revolve around you, Sirius?"

Sirius, as expected, yanks his arm away from James' clutch and frowns at him, sincerely hurt. "It's Snivellus, James."

"Remus is his own person."

"But it's Snape."

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying_

"I don't want you to see Snivellus anymore."

He feels the weight on the mattress change as Remus is turning in his arms to look at him. "Excuse me?"

"I don't want you to meet with him anymore."

"He's my friend, Sirius. He's nice to me, he listens to what I have to say." Remus' voice is hushed, but even if it wasn't Sirius knows it wouldn't be much louder. There's no need to talk loud, anyway, because they're mere inches away. Sirius just crawled into bed and wrapped his arms around the shaking form of Remus, calming him back down.

"But we hate him! He's a greasy git." Sirius tries to protest, aware to the fact he must sound like a little kid.

"No, you hate him, Sirius. I don't. He's my friend."

"How can you-"

"He cares about me, Sirius. He listens to me, he's interested in me."

Sirius pulls back slightly, anger filling his chest, forming as a tight red ball between his ribs, threatening to burst out. "If he's so interested in you," His voice is tight, "Why don't you go fuck him, instead of staying here all the time?"

He regrets the words the second the come out of his mouth. He stares into the darkness, trying to read Remus' shadowed expression but fails. He hears Remus inhaling through his nose.

"What, like you do?"

It's the first time Remus acknowledges Sirius' actions and it hurts so bad. The muffled sound that follows, a choked sob, hurts a million times more. Sirius says nothing. The silence lingers on for a second before Remus is practically pushing Sirius away, voice shaking.

"Get the hell out of my bed, Black."

_I don't want to do this anymore  
I don't want to be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't want to hurt him anymore  
I don't want to take away his life  
I don't want to be...  
A murderer_

Sirius is sitting against the wall, staring at the Hospital Wing door. He was kicked out. James kicked him out. How dare he kick him out? He's Remus' friend as well! He deserves to see Remus. Sirius is staring at the door with desperation, anger and sadness, until it opens. James is standing there, looking cold and distant. Sirius jumps to his feet and hurries past him, but James grabs his arm.

"He doesn't want to talk to you, Padfoot."

Sirius ignores him, because he never listens to what he doesn't want to hear, and storms into the hospital wing. There are only two occupied beds in the room. The curtains enclosing one, Remus sits in the other. He's looking out of the window and his face is a mixture of raw emotions that Sirius had never seen before. He doesn't notice Sirius, until Sirius silently says his name, which is when he looks at him.

Remus' eyes are the saddest, angriest, blankest thing Sirius had ever seen. Sirius freezes for a second, but then tells himself to keep going. Remus is looking at him with his mirror-like eyes until Sirius is only a few steps away, and then he closes his eyes. Sirius glances at him for a moment, sitting there with his eyes shut. When Remus opens his eyes, there's nothing there. No hatred, no betrayal, no sadness. Nothing. He looks at Sirius like a complete stranger. Sirius bites his lower lip to hold in a cry and tries to grab Remus' sleeve, trying to get Remus to look at him, and see him, and not look right through him. Remus yanks his hand away, looking through Sirius with a blank expression. "Remus, Please."

"Leave me alone, Black."

James drags him away.

_Our love, his trust  
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head  
Get it over with  
I don't want to do this  
Anymore._

"I never meant to hurt him. I love him."

"It's not about Remus, anyway. The only one it was about is you. It always is."

"I really am a Black, aren't I?"

"Yes, I guess you are." James' voice is so cold.

Somehow, the dry tone tells Sirius James isn't laughing. Sirius notices James' eyes aren't focused on him, but on some point behind him. It's Remus, standing at the entrance to the common room, leaning against Lily. Sirius stares, he can't help it. He opens his mouth to say something when Remus walks past him, but he can't. Remus beats him to talking.

"I'm not going to ever talk to Severus again. And vice versa. Are you happy **now**?"

He isn't.

_I don't want to do this anymore  
I don't want to be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't want to hurt him anymore  
I don't want to take away his life  
I don't want to be...  
A murderer._


End file.
